We are messed up

Filed in Thoughts on January 25, 2010



I like to be optimistic and think that things are getting better here in the United States.  Oh I know that the Bible says that things will get worse over the long term.  But clearly, things move in cycles, and even if the long term trend is down, we can hope that we are in a shorter term upward trend.

I actually think that in some ways, things are better.  We have gotten past some of the hideous sins of our past such as racism.  But in some ways, the wheels have come off the cart.

To illustrate what I mean, think about homeowner associations.  Two centuries ago, there were homeowner associations.  People got together to do barn raisings and help each other.  They realized they needed each other.

Today, homeowner associations are about fining each other if someone leaves out the garbage can too long.  They are about putting liens on the house of the neighbors that can't pay dues because they are going through tough times.  They are about picking out their neighbor's paint color and measuring their grass height.  They are about suing veterans who put up a flag pole without approval.

Yes, the contrast is pretty dramatic.  A few hundred years ago, when someone was going through a rough time, the homeowners in the area put up a barn for them.  Today, they put a lien on a house over a few hundred lousy bucks in annual dues.

Somehow, over the past 200 years of homeowner associations, the priority of helping others has been replaced with the priority of helping yourself.  We disguise the selfishness under the noble goal of "keeping the property values up" (by the way, a lot of good that is doing...)

The pettiness is unbelievable.   I am amazed at how irate people get if something happens to their grass.  I have seen debates over grass almost lead to fist fights in the dysfunctional homeowners association I have the displeasure of being a part of. 

Look at Haiti and then tell me how important your grass is.

Somehow, people have forgotten that relationships are more important than grass.  Actually, we have just forgotten what is important at all.

And we have become so arrogant that we actually don't realize that we need each other. 


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Janet D.
1/26/2010 2:20:38 PM

So you don't think a homeowners association should force people to abide by the rules? It is entirely appropriate and fair that everyone pay their dues. If they don't, a lien is about all that you can do.

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John
1/26/2010 6:16:04 PM

Is there even really a need for these associations?

Thanks for the comparison. I have always been intrigued by the idea of barn raisings and have enjoyed a few modern equivalants as both a recipient and a participant.

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michael
1/26/2010 9:03:20 PM

Janet, one of the reasons that people get into what are sometimes very heated conflicts in situations like this is that we very quickly rally around our ideological view of the matter rather than listening to what everyone has to say, particularly folks who seem to be on the other side. When Greg spoke about people who are going through tough economic times not being able to keep up with their dues, it seems to me that the appropriate response is one of mercy and trying to help these folks work something out. Obviously, however, there are situations when people are thoughtlessly or selfishly trying to get around rules and it is necessary to enforce them. If people won't be considerate of their neighbors on their own initiative then the group has to see to it that they 'become so.'

Trying to enforce rules does not make you a mean person. What is troubling, though, is that there often is a solution that tempers justice with mercy and allows for some wiggle room when needed, under the circumstances, and allows us to practice some compassion for our neighbors, rather than just making sure they color in the lines. I have no connection to the association Greg is talking about, but I wonder how many of the people involved know their neighbors, and how much time they spend trying to understand what is on their minds, and in their hearts (and know their circumstances), or if they are thinking primarily in terms of what irritates them, and hoping the rest of the time their neighbors would just mind their own business. Appealing to rules can also mean choosing policy over people, and that doesn't seem like a good way to live.

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Greg
1/26/2010 9:18:41 PM

Janet,

No, I do not think it is appropriate to try to collect dues from a person who has lost his job. That is just not neighborly. I actually think it is the opposite of of neighborly.

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Alice
1/27/2010 3:24:40 PM

Jack & I had never heard of homeowner associations until we moved South. In our small town in NH, neighbors helped each other.

We have already decided that if and when we buy a house in Florida, one criterion is that it NOT have a homeowner association.

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