How to win friends

Filed in Thoughts on January 29, 2009



There are a few books that have really influenced me.  Good to Great and The Emyth Revisited come to mind.  There is another book that really has impressed me and I hope will influence me more as I mature.

That book is How To Win Friends and Infuence People by Dale Carnagie.

Now, I know that when you hear that title, it is usually the punch line of a joke.  Everybody has heard about the book but most have not read it.  More need to.

If you apply just a little of what you read in that book, it will change your relationships.  That is not to say that the book is full of little-known secrets.  Rather, it is full of common sense that you probably instinctively know.  There are tips like asking people about their personal lives, showing genuine respect for others and appealing to their interests instead of your own. 

Of course, the secret is not knowing the principles; it is applying them.  That is the hard part.  I went into a meeting recently with someone regarding a business opportunity.  Before I went, as I usually do, I ran through a mental checklist of do's and don'ts regarding how I would interact with him.

As it turned out, the meeting did not go the way I expected.  And as I found myself feeling a little misled by the other person, I started breaking obvious rules about how to interact.  I never raised my voice, but I threw out a few comments that I felt were "leveling the playing field."   

That kind of reaction is typical but detrimental.  I have to learn to stay cool and calm and always look for a way to salvage relationships.  One thing that I have noticed over and over through life is that burning bridges is a very bad strategy. 

Here is another little tip about relationships.  Be very slow to put on your "expert" hat.  Look for what you can learn rather than what you can teach.  There is little that is more annoying than a person who jumps into lecture mode at every possible opportunity.



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